On Boxing Day I made a big decision: I am not going abroad in my junior year. With this new development in mind, today I revised my life plan and it is now much more manageable. Still not looking forward to taking physics, but hopefully it will improve the way I look at movement and the human body rather than make me tear my hair out. Over the past few days, all I've thought about is the future, so I think I'll take a break and spend a moment considering the past.
All things considered, my year has been good but not great. I declared my major, figured out what direction I wanted my life to take, choreographed a piece by myself that really came together, and was a kitchen manager for a brief period. This semester, I learned more about movement than I have in years in the strangest ways. I learned that listening to your body and moving the way it's pushing you to move opens up untapped treasures of knowledge: an unconventional thought, but it's the truth. Declaring as dance major has done me good, and will do me good, and I say, "God bless it!"
I've also experienced a lot of stress and pain. Half of my Smith friends went on medical leave this year, I lost an extraordinary cat, and I learned that the life of a baker is less about people extolling the virtues of your flaky pie crust and more about rolling dough alone in the kitchen while your friends have a dance party without you. I've felt hurt and betrayed. I've felt lonely and lost and angry, but I can always find solace in God and a good dance class.
TRIGGER WARNING: SOPPILY RELIGIOUS. I was very slipshod this semester; I didn't go to Mass nearly as often as I should have and I still haven't been to confession. Of course, at camp, I couldn't go to Mass, which led me to realize that I feel more comfortable when I know that there's a Catholic church near wherever I'm living. I need to know that I can get to a church when I need to, and I have to attend Mass regularly so I know automatically where to turn. The most difficult times for me are the times when there is nothing I can do to change a situation, and those are the times when I need to remember that God is always there.
I'm very lucky to have good friends and good people in my life. I have friends I can count on, who made me a birthday cake with a swan on it, who watched Legend of Korra with me, beatbox like champs, were guinea pigs for choreography even though they don't know how to dance. I've even made some new friends this semester! I will never stop being grateful for these crazy beautiful people who bring color and texture and life-sized mannequins into my world.
I won't be sorry to see this year end, but I look forward to becoming a better, smarter, kinder, stronger person than I am now. I'm going to win at 2013.
