Christmas In the Heart, Part I

Today is Christmas Eve, and my family has a time-honored tradition for the day. We always listen to David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries on the radio (which is proving more complicated this year, but I'm just playing it on my computer), go to Christmas Eve mass, and then to my maternal grandparents' house for Wigilia. I'll explain that in a bit, but first, we need to talk about Christmas Eve mass.

My family has a lot of feelings about Christmas Eve mass. When I'm in Buffalo, I go to St. Joseph's on a regular basis, because the priests support the LGBT community and make jokes in the sermons sometimes, but that church is unacceptable for Christmas Eve because every Catholic in North Buffalo, Amherst, and those even vaguely affiliated with the university crowds inside. One year we were stuck sitting in the foyer, accompanied by a bitter wind that blew in every time the door opened. As if that weren't enough of a problem, it's a children's mass that showcases the talents of every. last. child. We're talking screechy violins, high-pitched, off-key singing, you name it.

Then, for the past two years, we've gone to a different university parish. It's in a basement, and they attach the wrong melody to "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel." Enough said.

But this year, we're going to Blessed Sacrament. When I was little, that was the church where we always went, and the only really bad thing about it was that in lieu of an organ, they had a woman playing the guitar and singing along to the hymns. Something about her voice just grated on everybody's nerves, but we pretty much had to grit our teeth and endure it.

One Christmas Eve (around the time when I seriously wanted to be an actress when I grew up), Emily commanded me to sing as loudly as I possibly could, to drown out the guitar lady's singing. Being a sixth-grade mini starlet, I took her at her word and belted "O Come, All Ye Faithful" with weighty force. Mid-way through the first verse, Caroline hit me in the arm and whispered angrily, "This is not your debut on Broadway!" I'm convinced that this incident caused my perpetual struggle with volume throughout my singing career.

Tune in for Part II. It's Sedaris time right now.